How to Deal with Toxic People
It is time to take control and tackle toxicity in your life. Tackle those negative emotions, negative thoughts and negative mindsets once and for all.
“If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.” — Michael Jordan
What’s In Your Bank Account?
Have you ever been the victim of fraudulent activity on your bank account? I have a few times and it is frustrating and annoying. I was told that when these thieves are trying to access your bank account, they do it in small increments to see if you are paying attention and then they will hit you with a large amount. If you or your bank are not on top of it, the money leaves your account little by little and then there will be a big hit.
It seems remarkably similar to being around toxic people or toxic situations. Little by little the effects of toxicity starts to drain you on different levels and then one day, you wonder “Why am I down?” “Why don’t I want to go to work, church or a special event?” “Why don’t I want to hang around certain people?” Those toxic moments have been depleting you little by little until you finally feel the full impact of it.
What Toxicity Costs You
A recent survey by the American Psychological Association stated 75% of Americans say their boss is the most stressful part of their day. In theory, our private lives should offer us a reprieve from workplace stress, but that is not always the case. Toxic friendships are all too common... 84% of women and 75% of men report having a toxic friend at some point in their lives.
Toxicity Can Be Like A Sword
If I handed you a sword, would you grab it by the handle or by the blade? Think of the toxic people or toxic situations around you. Do you engage with them from the sharp end or the firm end of the sword? Don’t deal with them from the blade… which is sharp, cutting and inflicts damage. Deal with them from a place of strength and control (like the handle) reflecting your confidence and belief in yourself. Remember: the handle of the sword controls the movement of the blade.
If a toxic person is using the sharp end of the sword with their words and actions, try the following.
Avoid playing into their reality
Don't get drawn into the drama
Pay attention to how they make you feel
Show up owning your space
Don't try to fix them
Say no (and walk away)
Remember, it is not you, it is them with the issue
BE AWARE OF TOXIC TRAITS
· Manipulation – Uses words and actions to get their own way
· Making you feel bad about yourself – Downplaying achievements
· Being judgmental – Criticizing what they don’t agree with
· Negativity – Come from a place of negativity
· Passive aggressive – Expresses anger through sarcasm; sabotages relationships
· Self-centered – Concerned with themselves, can’t compromise or see your point of view
Are You Toxic To YOU?
If you think you are handing yourself the sharp end of the sword ... pause, step back and reflect!
What are you saying to YOU? Only you know what is being said to you within your mind. Write it down and record how many times you speak this to yourself.
What are you feeling? Identify the feelings and physical reactions you are observing in your body. Pay attention to your heartbeat, warmth, breath, tensing of the muscles or your jaw.
Be kind to yourself - Not one person is perfect. We are a work in progress… daily. It is your choice to choose self-acceptance. Don’t compare your success to someone else’s highlight reel.
Think this / Not that - Would you speak to your best friend the same way you speak to yourself? One way to replace negative self-talk is to choose an edifying quote to build yourself up. Memorize it and post it where you can see it every day.
Create boundaries - Your personal boundaries are the invisible barriers that separate you from the world around you… in a healthy way. These boundaries are like a filter system that regulates the flow of positive and negative within and around you. Your boundaries keep you safe and secure: physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Seek professional guidance - I am a huge fan of counseling and life coaching. Don’t walk this path alone. Reach out for help to provide you the support you need.
THIS I KNOW … remind yourself daily there is a place for you in this world. A place for your gifts and your talents to bless others. Don’t allow anyone to throw around toxic words or create toxic circumstances in your space. You would never allow a person to come into your home and steal your possessions… those same possessions you worked hard for to obtain. Toxicity robs us on many levels.
The same with toxic people and situations, don’t let them steal your confidence, joy, peace, acceptance, healthy boundaries, your progress and your right to be present. Think bigger and beyond your circumstances. If you decide to choose a negative path, then you know you can consciously make the switch and choose another path…. a better path for you. A non-toxic path.
