Lonely in the Midst of A Crowd
Have you ever wondered how you can be in a crowd of people and yet have feelings of loneliness? Why is that? Why do some people at the top of their professional careers find themselves feeling lonely? Why do others reach their goals in life and then say “is this all there is?” Or, “Why do I feel lonely when I am so popular?”
Research has shown that loneliness happens with all people in society. It can be people in a relationship, or with successful careers. Those who do not have children claim they are lonely. But those who have children say they miss their children because they are now grown and moved away. So, you are not alone when it comes to loneliness. While common definitions of loneliness describe it as a state of solitude or being alone, loneliness is actually a state of mind.
For example, a college freshman might feel lonely despite being surrounded by roommates and other peers. A soldier beginning their military career might feel lonely after being deployed to a foreign country, despite being constantly surrounded by other troop members.
Loneliness can be attributed to your internal factors such as low self-esteem. If you lack confidence in yourself, you may believe that you are unworthy of any attention, which may lead to self-isolation and ongoing loneliness.
The death of someone significant in a person's life can also lead to feelings of loneliness. Contributing factors to loneliness may be physical isolation, moving to a new location, or experiencing a divorce.
Loneliness is your brain’s way of motivating you to reach out and build up your support system. However, being around people is not always the answer. Why, because it is about connection. So just being in the same room with a group of people isn’t the same as feeling connected.
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” —Mark Twain
THE PATH FROM LONELINESS TO SELF DISCOVERY
Turn the dialogue around. You may be feeling lonely, but you are not alone. Think of the friends, family members and others that you know who are there for you. Have a plan: when thoughts of loneliness rise up say: “I may feel lonely, but I am not alone.” “I have family and friends who care for me.”
Be Kind to Yourself. It’s important to practice self-compassion when you are struggling with loneliness. Give yourself grace when you make mistakes or let your temper fly. Beating yourself up won’t help you decrease loneliness. So think of ways you can be kind to yourself.
Gratitude. First, thank the loneliness for showing up because it wants to show you something that will help you grow, learn and reveal the incredible person within. Don’t be afraid to be with just you. Be grateful for your gifts and talents, grateful for the opportunities you have been given, grateful that you have been given another day.
Hugs. How many hugs do we need? Family therapist Virginia Satir once said, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” While that may sound like a lot of hugs, it seems that many hugs are better than not enough.
Turn on your favorite music, sing and dance. Break the flow of loneliness with some dance moves. When we move, our bodies release endorphins, which can improve our moods and interact with our brains where they reduce pain and anxiety. It also triggers positive feelings in our bodies, putting us in our happy zone.
Focus on others. Shift your focus onto other people’s needs by doing volunteer work. This is a great way to steer those inward loneliness thoughts to outward actions to help others. This is another great way to increase your social connectedness.
Meditate. Meditation gives us a clear look at ourselves, accepting who we are and to live in the moment. Be open to the different ways to meditate. Mindfulness exercises can improve feelings of loneliness.
Adopt-A-Pet. A pet can heal our pain, keep us company when we feel lonely. Their playfulness can brain-wash us from all of our troubles. They are always there for us. They trust us and they are our loyal silent friends, who we can trust and share everything with.
“Don’t feel lonely; the entire universe is inside you.” – Rumi
THIS I KNOW…it is okay if you discover you may need professional help to get to the bottom of what is causing your loneliness. By partnering with a professional, you provide yourself a safe space to step into and to explore the loneliness and GROW through it.
Next week’s BLOG will be part two of this conversation: “IT’S OKAY TO BE ALONE.”
“The person who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The person who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before.”— Albert Einstein