The Art of Spending Time with Yourself
"Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone
and solitude expresses the glory of being alone." Paul Tillich
Did you know that you can be alone but not be lonely? The mere act of being alone with oneself doesn't have to be feel bad or uneasy. Experts say it can benefit your social relationships, improve your creativity and confidence, and help you regulate your emotions so that you can better deal with adverse situations.
When was the last time you spent time with just YOURSELF? We spend a lot of time on our professional careers, taking care of family, taking care of our possessions, working out, spending time with friends….but we put ourselves at the bottom of the “take care of” list or the "spend time with" list so we never get a chance to de-stress, take a break and recharge.
When you find yourself with just YOU, do you like the silence? Do you put on music or the TV to drown out the quietness? Ask yourself “why?” What is it about spending time with yourself and with your thoughts that makes you uneasy?
My friend Joe Van Haecke, https://inspirememrv.com said it best, “Some of my favorite moments are the 5 - 10 minutes sitting on my deck, enjoying the weather, completely alone. Self-care is important. There's a difference between needing alone time and feeling lonely. That alone time gives us a moment to reflect, reboot, and ground ourselves. Feeling lonely is that need for interpersonal connection with other human beings.”
By the way if you don't like the word "alone" then let’s switch it out to SOLITUDE. Solitude allows us to get in touch with ourselves and time to reflect. It’s the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a time for reflection, inner searching, growth or enjoyment. By spending time with yourself, you put yourself in a place to better handle negative emotions and experiences, including the daily demands of life.
BENEFITS OF SOLITUDE
Increases Productivity. By removing distractions and interruptions you are better able to concentrate, which will also help you get more work done in a shorter amount of time. Have you ever noticed how the ping of a text message or some other notification immediately gets your attention?
Recharges Your Brain. Even though we need social interactions for certain areas of brain activity, times of solitude are also important for our brains to unwind, recharge and focus.
Creative Juices Will Flow. Studies are now showing that people are actually more likely to come up with their best ideas on their own, rather than during group brainstorming sessions. Take the time to step away from a situation or decision, seek solitude and see what new perspective(s) you get. You may be pleasantly surprised.
Enhances Your Relationships. Solitude allows us to better appreciate our time with others and help us understand others better. Do you want to gain a better understanding of who you are and how you want to show up in relationships? Times of solitude will help you identify who you want to be around.
Solitude can be an hour or two every day, a weekend away or a vacation with just YOURSELF. So, is it time to put YOU on your calendar and start scheduling solitude times with YOURSELF....daily, weekly or monthly?
On an airplane the flight attendant instructs you to “put your oxygen mask on first” before helping others. Why? Because if you run out of oxygen yourself, you can't help anyone else with their oxygen mask.
Solitude is your oxygen mask.
Inventor Nikola Tesla said, “The mind is sharper and keener in seclusion and uninterrupted solitude. Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind. Be alone – that is the secret of invention: be alone, that is when ideas are born.”
SOLITUDE VS. LONELINESS
Loneliness is being alone — not liking it. It’s a feeling.
Solitude is being alone — content. It’s a choice.
Loneliness can be a negative state, marked by a sense of isolation. One feels that something is missing. It is possible to be with people and still feel lonely. Loneliness is lack of connections with others.
Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself wonderful and sufficient company. It is a place where you are enjoying your own company.
While human beings need time alone to allow their brains to rest and rejuvenate, too much time alone or a lack of social connections can be harmful to our mental and physical health. It is important to distinguish between healthy time alone, where we are being productive, creative and introspective, versus negative time alone, where we are being self-critical or feeling lonely.
Coaching Moment: So, get excited about your next solitude moment. What does it look like? How do you feel in the moment? What do you like about it? Most of all, don’t stress over it, enjoy it. Be intentional about scheduling solitude appointments on YOUR calendar.
Here’s to solitude and to you, my courageous friend!
